Typically in February I write about heart disease awareness, children's dental health, consumer health or other topics identified in the National Health Calendar. However, my friend Lisa suggested I write about romance or the bigger picture of relationships. So, relationships it is.

In writing about relationships I think of the quote "No man is an island". This quote attributed to English author John Donne a very succinct way of saying we need each other. I was first introduced to the study of relationships and the importance of social connectedness more than 25 years ago while in college. There were a series of studies that indicated that as much as physical fitness, nutrition, and exercise, social relationships influence our health and longevity. Searching through my notes I found the name of Dr. Kenneth Pelletier, as one of the early researchers studying the influence of relationships on longevity. Other researches included Seeman, Kaplan, Knudsen, Cohen and Guralink. Research concluded that individuals socially active had better health and greater longevity. These studies were conducted in many locations including California, Michigan, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Sweden and Japan.

Our relationships embody our cumulative experience with others. Our experience is a product of those closest to us through the years. Our concept of relationships begin with our parents, siblings and later with our peers and significant others. Those behaviors that were reinforced grew. Our relationships intensified, moving from attraction to acquaintance, to lovers. This process produces effects from very real influences of neurochemicals (e.g. oxytocin, adrenaline, dopamine, norepinepherine, and endorphins, etc.) that bring us both a sense of excitement or euphoria and those feelings of penetrating comfort and peace.

What makes a great relationship? It is my estimation that the best relationships emerge in environments of compassion:

Care for one another,

Open exchange of values, beliefs, and ideas

Mutuality the give and take of respect

Pursue equality,

Accept weaknesses both yours and others,

Support one another's dreams,

Show appreciation,

Include honesty and forgiveness as integral part of the relationship

Only you can be responsible for your happiness,

Never expect your efforts to be reciprocated immediately.

William Shakespeare stated "A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow."

With that in mind, remember the most important relationship you will ever cultivate is the one with you. Can you, like Shakespeare suggests, come to know yourself as you are? Can you truly understand where you have been?  Do you know and can you accept what you have become? And, do you still gently allow yourself to grow? In closing, I encourage you to answer these questions honestly and cultivate a nurturing spirit with you and all those whom you love.